i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
