He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
