Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Watching her eat just hurts me
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
