We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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