in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
