why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
