I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
two words: eviction party
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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