i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
