i jhust puked up my retainher.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
