It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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