my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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