Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
