hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
