i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
