plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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