The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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