Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
