Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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