Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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