He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
