first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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