I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
