so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
