kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
