can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
