So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
