Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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