Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
