last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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