If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
