I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize