woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize