I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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