Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
