im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
