OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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