im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
