well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
