Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
