would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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