hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
