Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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