I just saw a hot homeless man
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
