It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
