I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
