Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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