My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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