CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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