I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
