dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
