it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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