I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
