chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
