You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
