Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
