Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
