it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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