im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm having to shit out rocks
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
