OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just had sex on a roof
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
