bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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