So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize