which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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