He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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