Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
