Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
