I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Randomize
