you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i think i have herpe
just one?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
