he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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