4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize