New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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