I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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